BLUE

I’ve lost track of time. I know where I am, I just don’t remember what day it is. Often, I find myself checking my day planner to bring myself back to this physical space. 

Nearly every morning, I wake between 1-3 a.m. Sometimes it’s because I hear leaves rustling outside; sometimes I have to go to the bathroom; other times it’s to an angel number, which I always write down.

 A few mornings ago, I woke to itching. I didn’t check the time because the itching was so uncomfortable. It began in my right palm and as I scratched, it spread across my chest to my left palm. 

 The intensity increased. 

 I scratched my head and face, threw the blankets off, and searched for bugs. 

 I knew I wouldn’t find any.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this.

 It continued down my face, in my mouth and throat; and travelled down my torso to every orifice below.

 As before, it appeared to make the sign of the cross.

 The tissues in my throat started to swell. I felt a lump form and it was uncomfortable to swallow. 

 About 15 years ago, a similar sensation caused me to jump to my feet and look at the alarm clock: 3 a.m.

It felt like a hundred stinging bees or needles attacked me. As my airway tightened that night, I thought of how many minutes I had before waking the only licensed driver in the house. If I heard wheezing, I knew I was in trouble. 

Thinking I had a few minutes before I woke my oldest son, I dropped to my knees and prayed. I repeated the only prayer I remembered, over and over again. The stinging sensation softened and though I continued to pray, it felt safe to get back into bed.

 That morning, my youngest son said, “Mommy, your voice sounds funny.”

 “Yeeesss,” I whispered.

 My throat was sore and my voice hoarse for 3 days.

 During the similar experience few mornings ago, though the thought of waking my neighbor crossed my mind, I didn’t get out of bed.

Instead, I gave thanks. I thanked the Universe for the intense itching experience; for reminding me of choice. That I have a choice over my fear and where it belongs on this journey. That I am the attractor of my experience and that everything, including money (my fear at the time), is Energy. 

 And that when I choose to align my inner being with Source Energy, abundance flows.

 I knew that the lump in my throat was a 5th chakra blockage. According to the author of Anatomy of the Spirit, Carolyn Myss, Ph.D., the center of my will is located between the energies of my heart and mind. The throat. If my heart and mind are not in communication, one will dominate the other. 

 Somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m., my throat dominated. 

 I laid in bed, thanked my guides again for the message and released into the itching sensation. As it subsided, I fell asleep.

 At 5 a.m. I woke with such joy in my heart. The heart is the 4th chakra. Not only does it mediate and strengthen the lower three chakras to the upper three, it represents our capacity to surrender to Creator Source; to “let go and let God.”

There was no soreness in my throat and the feeling of “something” being stuck there was gone. Completely.

So, here’s the thing about the throat chakra. The color associated with this energy wheel is blue; my favorite color and more importantly, the color of Spirit. Blue is a relaxing color; the color of the seas and oceans; a color that has a calming effect on the central nervous system and promotes relaxation. Which is, in part, why so many are drawn to the beach, sit, and stare at the ocean.

The 5th chakra relates to the ability to communicate our needs; to self-expression. It is the Spirit of truth and purpose; providing wisdom and clarity; the “ask and you shall receive” chakra. 

An unbalanced throat chakra is related to a fear of speaking and playing small. Seeing spirits at the age of 9 left me speechless. I avoided conversation with humans. If the phone rang in our home, I’d go to my bedroom, shut the door, and pretend I didn’t hear it. If I spoke, it was mostly to my dog and even that was in private. An added benefit was that he never had anything to say.

 I’ve received many messages about stepping into purpose. We all receive them.

But do you listen? 

They start off as a little pebble cast at your window. Then pebbles. If you’re not listening, a brick will crash through and shatter glass. Attach whatever label to your brick that fits. 

I no longer choose to be silenced.

I no longer choose to hide.

I no longer choose to play small.

To open my throat is to accept the Abundance of the Universe.

I am a story teller.

I am here to openly flow in Truth and purpose.

I am here to BE playFUL. 

 5:40 a.m.

Filled with inspiration and hope, love fueled my spiritual and physical bodies. 

I was so giddy, I nearly skipped out of the house towards Mt. Lemmon. 

 And then!

 Something amazing happened. 

 Next time…